I distinctly remember the first time the words “craigslist.org” were mentioned to me.  I had just moved here, and thought I’d take advantage of the fact that the school I had recently graduated from was an “international” franchise, and stop by the Art Institute of San Francisco for some career advice (I put “international” in quotes, because I’ve never heard of an Art Institute in another country.  I would have gone there if there was one). Little did I know that I’d be taking classes there 4 years from then.

Anyway, the career advisor people there told me to check out this new thing, craigslist.org.  I didn’t take it very seriously, I thought to myself, “wow, this guy craig has a list… good for him”.  My options were limited though.  I was pulling in some decent freelance work, but I was lonely, just recently completely screwed over by my girlfriend, and decided I wanted to get a “real” job.  Meet some people. Basically anything to not sit around at my house and sulk.

So it turned out this craigslist thing was pretty sweet.  I posted my resume, which by the way had the word “Flash” written throughout it, which back then, was must have been a rare commodity, because I seriously (no joking) received at least 10 emails a day for the next week or so about possible jobs with start-ups, or design firms in the area.  After a few interviews, I settled on BigMove.com, but that’s another story altogether.

The point I’m trying to make here is about craigslist.  A completely awesome service for everyone. I don’t have to tell you that.  You know.  But have you every tried to sell something on craigslist?  I have.  A bunch of times.  Most of the time, I’ve successfuly sold the item, eventually.  Get this; if you ever want to dip your toes into the proverbial idiot sea that exists out there, just try to sell something on cl (Ain’t it awesome how I keep shortening the name?!). Maybe it’s just San Francisco cl. I don’t know. It’s the only one I’ve ever used.  But here’s how it goes:

Spend a little while on the site, looking for any similar items, get a price guage.  Look at the manufacturer’s website for specs on your item.  Check retail prices.  Check e-bay.  Okay.  Now you’ve narrowed it down, price-wise, to something reasonable.  Remember, people are usually looking for a deal, so if you post it at it’s actual value, you won’t get any responses.  Got that down pat.  I used to find a picture, but don’t do that.  People will think it’s a scam.  Take a real picture of your item.  Make sure your address is not in the picture.  Meaning, don’t take the picture right in front of your house.  For that matter, make sure your social security card, birth certificate, etc, are not in the picture.  Don’t be in the picture.  Unless you’re really really hot.  Then people will buy anything from you.  Stand in front of your old used toilet seat that you broke off accidentally, reaching for a spare roll of tp.  People will buy it just to meet you.

Ok, so now you’ve got your price and your picture.  What’s left?  Ah, yes. The wording of the actual post.  Now, to me it makes sense to write why you’re selling the item.  It was a gift, and you don’t like it.  You’re upgrading.  You’re completely broke, love it, but have to let it go.  Works for me, and most others.  Oh, and write what condition its in.  Fair, Good, Great, Perfect.  That’s it.  Use those four words.  No need for anything else.  I don’t care where the scratches are, or why it’s rusty.  Just tell me that it is, and I’ll decide if I want it.

That’s pretty much all you need to write.  The price, a picture, and short blurb about the item, and you’re good.  You’ve spent about 30 minutes.  Now the fun part.  Post your ad and wait for responses.  The first wave usually seem the most legit.  They email you their phone numbers and full names.  1 out of 3 will answer.  0 out of 3 will follow through.  So, go ahead. Invite them all over to come see the item.  None of them will come.  Nor will they call.  Or, they might call to make sure you’re there, then not show up.  I think the next thing I sell on cl, I will invite a bunch of people to come look at it, then go out to dinner.  I bet I don’t even get a nasty voicemail.

Okay, you’ve made it through phase 1.  You’ve wasted about 4-5 hours of your Sunday talking to people on the phone, dusting off your item, finding the manual for it, waiting around, playing video games.  No one shows up.  Then the next wave of emails come in.  Oh, surely one of these people will buy my item, you think. They sound SO much more professional.  They want to schedule an appointment during the week.  How responsible.  Write them back and say you’ve got a bunch of interested parties looking at it now.  Tell them to get their ASSES OVER HERE!  They won’t be able to.

Phase 2 over.  Here come the real idiots (You may notice I use this word a whole heck of a lot in my posts.  It’s just that I love it so much.  It’s such a great word.  It’s the best way to describe anyone who is a sub-moron).  Some example idiot posts:

“Is the _____ made in the U.S. or Asia?”.  I don’t fucking know.  It was made up my ass! Who cares? It’s half price!  Fucking buy it!

“Do you have the _____ in blue?”  What!?  Are you kidding?  Yeah, I wanted it so much when it came out, that I bought it in every color. Sub-moron.

“Oh, I have the ______ that goes with your ________.  Do you want to buy it?”.  Yes.  I want to buy an accessory for something I’m trying to sell. Just so I can always remember that I once owned it.

So, that’s Phase 3.  I seem to be stuck here in Phase 3, so I’ll have to get back to you once I finally sell this damn thing.  Hopefully there aren’t too many more phases, and everything works out.  I’ll be happy to post any new idiot encounters for you all, because I know you love them, like I love you.

Geez, this was a long post.  Sorry.  Maybe I’ll draw a picture to make it more fun to read.

sneakpants out.

I’m working on some t-shirt designs for Triple Cobra at the moment, and here’s a sample of some of the work I’ve been doing. I’m not sure if this happens for everyone, but whenever I haven’t slept enough, when I close my eyes, I get visions. Sometimes they’re animated, sometimes they’re still images, and sometimes they’re just fractalicious. This one slipped it’s way under my heavy eyelids last week, and it’s been burned in all week long.

Surrealists such as Man Ray, Max Earnst, and Juan Miro used to play a game called Exquisite Corpse, where they would write a phrase on a piece of paper, then fold the paper so the first few words of the phrase they had written would be obscured, then pass it along, and the next contributor would append to it another phrase. They also did this with drawings and paintings. I came across a site today called Delicious Corpse, based on this game, but played with recipes.

Apparently, there is a community of chefs, cooks, and psuedo-scientists, that have established a community around food hacking. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this, but it has definitely peaked my interest. How could I not be drawn to something that involves food, art, and chemistry?

These “food hackers” are holding an event in San Francisco um…. tonight. Yes, Tuesday, Aug. 21st. Details.